How Have I Been?

How are you?
I am fine.

I always say I am fine.
I dun know if that is an honest answer.
Yet the person who asked the question may not want to / have the time to hear the whole story.

I stopped blogging here for some time.
Partly because I was so tied up with work.
Mainly cuz I was emotionally spent.

July had been a tough month.
And quite a bit of emotional upheaval.
And it got to a point where I did not want to talk about it. It is too tiring to even blog about it.

And throughout all these tough times, Jay Chou and his songs have been my source of solace.

His songs, and the lyrics of many of them, are like a shield to my torrid emotions, a balm to wrecked heart and soul, and some of them made me cry.. some of those pent up tears and emotions which i was able to let out so i feel better.

For that, I really love Jay Chou.
Sometimes I wonder if there are many unhappy people in this world, and hence, Jay Chou's popularity is attributed to all these unhappy people finding strong resonance in his songs.. I wonder.

But I moved on. As the sun continues to shine, as the time continues to tick, I stride forwards in my journey.

Life has not been all bad. Just that sometimes, my hearts feels a lot of pain, and a lot of heavy emotions.

It is really not easy to be always cheerful and smiley. It is so hard - to be genuinely happy.

And for me, when I am sad, I am doubly sad as I often think about the past. Which tend to make me sadder.

To a certain extent, I have chosen and be where I am today, because I have chosen to depart from a portion of the past, a certain portion of my memories.

But when I stumble, or get entangled in a rough patch, I started having so much doubts.
My past haunts me sometimes. And I hate it.

I am still tired. I want to hide and rest.
But the reality hardly allows for that.
Particularly so when one is a mum, the responsibility of family and kids sometimes make oe forget or put away oneself.
And that in itself is a very heavy burden to bear...