找个有用的女人,做个有用的女人

I met Mr. Dan for lunch the other day, both to talk shop and to talk rot.

He very nicely offered to fetch me up from my yoga class and we went for lunch in a Japanese place at the Market Street, which served surprisingly nice Japanese set lunch. Of course the parking was cut throat - a bloody $8 for a short 1 hour plus. But I have a great time - the talk shop was fulfilling, we got all the stuff sorted out efficiently. And the talk rot part was refreshing - being the air sign Aquarius - I love it when people say things that shocked or surprised me. I am rarely shocked, as I have a really high tolerance for eccentricities. So I am endeared to those who can catch me by surprise. And during the talk rot part, Mr. Dan managed to catch me by surprise and twice in that short span of an hour plus - that is a record hor!

Before I get to the surprise bit, have to share this. You know, it feels really great when you are around guys who have acquired the gentlemanly "ways". Gestures such as rushing to open the door ahead of me, and walking over to be on my side of the road where the traffic/ cars turn into the lane, are divinely charming. I do not expect such gestures - in this day and age, I seem to meet more men who just let you open your own doors and look out for yourself. And I am more than capable of looking out for myself, but still, such gestures are just charming, nonetheless.

So back to the surprise part. We were talking about why I have to do yoga 3 times a week. I can't seem to come up with a reasonable reason, and as I was yee- yawing, he just said: "You are just trying to psyche and prepare yourself back to work right!" Eureka! That exactly hit the nail on the spot. I mean, i did not even realise that is what I have been subliminally doing, till he articulated it. A tad scary - machiam like he know me better than myself.

Then we got on to the topic of his view on relationship and again he surprised me. He told me that at his age and lifestage, he is looking for the woman who can be "useful" to him. That is a new slant of looking at it.

I mean, sure, there are probably a lot of people who think that way, whether consciously or not, but I have yet to meet someone who is so brutally honest and factual about it. I was trying to get him to define "useful", and his concept of "useful" was less tangible than I thought. He was just looking for a woman who will enhance/ boost his life, rather than to drag him down. Alas, i.e. not looking for a useless woman la. Sor-des. Someone more independent and who will give him the occasional nudge to get him moving when he is nua-ing. Sounds very sensible and logical. And of course a tad cold blooded to me.

I always think chemistry, sparks and fireworks are real important in any relationship. If you cannot even make me feel any spark of excitement of being with you, the chance of me being able to live with you day in and out is almost certainly zilch!

So his level of rationality behind what he is looking for in a long term relationship kinda surprised me and scared me. Maybe I know him back when we were both much younger and without a care in the world. At the same age, now I am already married with 2 kids, and he is en route to Miss Right. And I can see the change in him, just as he must have seen the changes in me as he kept calling me Auntie, though I kept trying to tell him that I was dressed so "logged" that day cuz it is my gym day lor! So coiff up for what lor!

But it made me wonder if men look at relationship so differently from woman. I have met a few other men who said the following to me:

"There is always a prettier gal, a cuter gal out there. I will just settle for one who is nice to me"

"外面有那么多美的, 要看的话看不完的拉. 找到自己喜欢的就好咯!"

So these men seem to know what they are looking for and when to stop looking, so much more rational than female. And it frankly freaks me out. Where is the head turning passion and love? Aren't rationality and love supposed to be the antithesis of each other?

So I told him I will come back and ask hubby if he ever thought and decided that he will marry me cuz he think I will be useful to him. Though seriously I don't really think he will see me as useful leh. But it also got me reflecting:whether I am one of those woman who is capable of dragging a man down, particularly with my bad temper and mood swings. So I have not popped him the question yet, in case it is an answer that I do not want to hear.